(no subject)

[thescarletwoman]

I appreciate all the comments and while I haven't gotten to reply to everything I really appreciate the insight. A lot of it, I'm mulling over right now and am not really sure how to reply. But it's been wonderful food for thought.

I'm just... I feel like I'm at a breaking point between not being where I want to be in my life right now, still living at home and any number of other ills. If I could afford it right now, I'd be packing up and just moving to Cleveland or DC right about now. Or crashing on my cousin's couch in NYC until she and SJ threw me out.

This will even out -- it always does. I just feel like I'm floundering suddenly and whenever I try to paddle I push myself more under water. I think it all came to a head last night when I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Maybe more than a bit of one... *shifty* I think a lot of it is that I'm not where I expected to be right now at this point in my life. I'm working retail (yes, I still have the one job even if I left the station a few weeks back) and it feels like a dead-end job. That I'm not going anywhere at present and I'm just stuck.

Please tell me this feeling goes away.

Comments

[the_rainbow_jen]

I think the reality of the situation can feel overwhelming. Lord knows, I get overwhelmed just at the thought that my job will be gone in May. And I've only put in one application so far. If you're at the limits of your patience, act. The worst that can happen is you remain at home, yes?

This business of becoming grownups is definitely not nearly as calm or fun as it seems when we're kids.

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

Yes, that is true is that I stay at home -- and it's really not so bad considering. It's just one of those... I'm ready to get on with my life type things.

No, becoming a grownup isn't all it's cracked up to be.

[r-grayjoy.livejournal.com]

Please tell me this feeling goes away.

In my experience, that feeling goes away as soon as you make a Plan to dig yourself out of the hole and change your situation. Unfortunately, Plans can be hard to produce at times. ::sigh::

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

That's the thing -- there is a Plan (the law school business). But the fact that the plan really won't implement itself until Fall of '09 is what's hard.

That and the whole doubt of can I actually get in anywhere. right now I'm 0-5 when it comes to grad school apps.

[noticeably.livejournal.com]

♥ :/

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

♥*cuddles*

we will get our meetup in. I swear if it's the last thing I do. I just would have been MORE than sucky company this week.

[faithfullove.livejournal.com]

You know I want to say that it's in the air.

I am not happy with where I am as a person either. It's like a cycle though... You get in that place you don't like and then you do something about it, thus causing yourself to be in a place you like, then you feel like you are on top of the world. and then it starts over again.

As long as the cycle isn't manic... as long as it takes a significant amount of time to go through the cycle things are good. If you are going through the cycle in a short amount of time... you need more help than friends online can give.

With everything that has gone on in the last two years with us and the kids, I am not happy where I am... but I am doing something about it. Is there any one thing you can change? Something that you can control?

and I apologize if I am rambling too much

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

Not rambling too much.

It is a cycle and lately it's quicker than usual, but that's not saying much. *hugs* I hope things with you calm down soon too. ♥

[avengangle.livejournal.com]

:( It does. Move out of town. Panera is always hiring! I might be able to get you a roommate in a month or so (i.e., you can have my old one -- she comes with cats but you'd probably be able to keep them out of your room; they stayed out of mine just fine).

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

Kitties would kill me.

I actually talked to Tim about this and we'd seriously get a place together if I could just get a job in Cleveland...

[adaptor.livejournal.com]

"Please tell me this feeling goes away."

It does.

It really, really does.

(It comes back too, but smaller and less threatening. More like the angry little neighboorhood yappy dog that's all of a foot tall and can never remember that you've been living across the street from his house for twenty years.)

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

I love your imagery, love. I really, really do.

*needs to come out to LA and spend a week with you one of these days. Seriously*

[elaothien.livejournal.com]

*huggles* It will get better, trust me. If _I_ can get better, you can too. Time and some planning are all you need. Believe me, I'm not where I thought I'd be at this point in my life. I should just be starting my career, instead, I'm just now starting school (which I thought I was never going to be able to do). If things had gone as I'd planned, then I probably wouldn't know most of my current friends and who knows where I'd be. It was a scary leap from a cliff, to start school with no job and no idea how I was going to pay my bills, but I'm making headway... I know you can too. You just need to find the right cliff to jump off of. :)

[thescarletwoman.livejournal.com]

*cuddles and loves*

Yeah, it's finding the right cliff that's the hard part.