(no subject)

[thescarletwoman]

You know... all I'd like is a break. Really. Though, I know better than to ask for that because with the way my luck is going, I'll end up breaking something tomorrow.

That cold that started the day before my LSATs? Degenerated into bronchitis. I've never felt worse in my entire bloody life. I sound like my own personal TB ward.

My fic muse is giving me the middle finger and I have deadlines and it's still giving me the whatfor. And I haven't gone to see my therapist in... well, longer than I realised before writing this up. I just feel so apathetic towards everything lately. There's drama in a couple of my games that I don't want to deal with and it could be the illness talking too.

I'm just feeling like I'm behind in things and am never going to catch up. And they're things I love doing/running... but things seem like mountains. And if I hide from them, they'll go away -- only I start feeling guilty that I'm letting people down. *sigh*

I guess I just want to be back in school and working towards something. Right now I feel so absolutely lost and without any purpose. Yes, I have my job at the Playhouse but it's only a year. I just feel like I'm a ship at sea and just bounding in place. I don't know what my future holds, any time I think I've found a decent guy to date he tends to turn out to be gay or a total douche. And no, I don't need to date to be happy but when one hits the age of 24 and has never had anything by way of a serious boyfriend? One starts getting depressed. And it's the 'what's wrong with me' demons.

I shouldn't start thinking at midnight. Because I get maudlin.

I hate this feeling. But I don't know how to get out of this rut either.

Comments

[idleleaves.livejournal.com]

Wah. ._. You know, that time between former-career-path and new-career-path is one of the hardest times (I speak from experience). It's like... you've given up on one dream or goal, and are trying to start a better one, but it's just so goddamned frustrating being in limbo and not being able to actually START. Add that to it being September-ish, the time of year when most of us are used going back to school, and it just adds up to feeling directionless, aimless, and a little helpless.

*offers hugs and chocolate* Wish I could do more.

I'm just feeling like I'm behind in things and am never going to catch up. And they're things I love doing/running... but things seem like mountains. And if I hide from them, they'll go away -- only I start feeling guilty that I'm letting people down. *sigh*

I've been there more times than I can count. You get stuck in the middle, in a sense--between not having time and feeling like you're letting people down. Do you have people you could possibly beg/bribe to pick up the slack on a few of the optional things until you feel more able to tackle it all?

People do tend to understand when life gets in the way of optional committments. <3