The apparition of these faces in the crowd

Nice to know that, even in the side of the family you like, hypocrisy can still run rampant. Then again, when it's the side of the family you like -- it hurts all the more.

It almost feels like a betrayal.

Yeah -- so much for going to her bachelorette. If I go up to NYC, it'll be just for her -- sometime when it can be just her, me and her fiancée. I have no desire to spend any time with the rest of them.

Guess this is what I get for fucking being proud of my nieces.

This has just been... such a crap week. Scratch that, a crap year.

Seriously. Where's that restart button.

I'm actually really thankful I have a meeting with my therapist tomorrow to do some unloading. ♥ I appreciate all the offers to chat but there are times when in person is just... it's different. I've tried talking to my parents about Anj, but they just don't get it. I think it's a generational thing, really.

They see her as an acquaintance and several times when I've tried to talk to them about it, I get corrected when I refer to her as a friend. In their minds, because I never sat down and had coffee with her, she's not a 'true friend'. Did we exchange a boat-load of IMs? No. But we made a connection, and sometimes that's all that matters.

On top of that... my grandfather's in the hospital. Those of you who have been around here for a while know there's... not much love lost with him anymore. He's now speaking to us... it's been over a year since we exchanged words after he hung up on my mother after telling her twice to 'shut up'. How HE remembers it... he called THREE months ago and tried to tell mom that he fell and she wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Which is a total lie. But now he's ill and has been in and out of hospital for the past couple of weeks. I honestly don't know how I feel about this, but I see how it's tearing dad apart right now. He hates his father with a passion, yet he still is his father and my dad has to deal with all of this. On top of that, my uncle and the woman he cheated on my aunt with and married two years ago (her fifth, his fourth marriage) -- are now on the outs.

There's family stress. There's me not really being able to mourn the way I need to mourn.

This gets easier, right?

♥♥ in case I haven't told you guys lately -- I love you all. I honestly and truly do.