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Oct. 9th, 2008 12:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thescarletwomanYou know... all I'd like is a break. Really. Though, I know better than to ask for that because with the way my luck is going, I'll end up breaking something tomorrow.
That cold that started the day before my LSATs? Degenerated into bronchitis. I've never felt worse in my entire bloody life. I sound like my own personal TB ward.
My fic muse is giving me the middle finger and I have deadlines and it's still giving me the whatfor. And I haven't gone to see my therapist in... well, longer than I realised before writing this up. I just feel so apathetic towards everything lately. There's drama in a couple of my games that I don't want to deal with and it could be the illness talking too.
I'm just feeling like I'm behind in things and am never going to catch up. And they're things I love doing/running... but things seem like mountains. And if I hide from them, they'll go away -- only I start feeling guilty that I'm letting people down. *sigh*
I guess I just want to be back in school and working towards something. Right now I feel so absolutely lost and without any purpose. Yes, I have my job at the Playhouse but it's only a year. I just feel like I'm a ship at sea and just bounding in place. I don't know what my future holds, any time I think I've found a decent guy to date he tends to turn out to be gay or a total douche. And no, I don't need to date to be happy but when one hits the age of 24 and has never had anything by way of a serious boyfriend? One starts getting depressed. And it's the 'what's wrong with me' demons.
I shouldn't start thinking at midnight. Because I get maudlin.
I hate this feeling. But I don't know how to get out of this rut either.
That cold that started the day before my LSATs? Degenerated into bronchitis. I've never felt worse in my entire bloody life. I sound like my own personal TB ward.
My fic muse is giving me the middle finger and I have deadlines and it's still giving me the whatfor. And I haven't gone to see my therapist in... well, longer than I realised before writing this up. I just feel so apathetic towards everything lately. There's drama in a couple of my games that I don't want to deal with and it could be the illness talking too.
I'm just feeling like I'm behind in things and am never going to catch up. And they're things I love doing/running... but things seem like mountains. And if I hide from them, they'll go away -- only I start feeling guilty that I'm letting people down. *sigh*
I guess I just want to be back in school and working towards something. Right now I feel so absolutely lost and without any purpose. Yes, I have my job at the Playhouse but it's only a year. I just feel like I'm a ship at sea and just bounding in place. I don't know what my future holds, any time I think I've found a decent guy to date he tends to turn out to be gay or a total douche. And no, I don't need to date to be happy but when one hits the age of 24 and has never had anything by way of a serious boyfriend? One starts getting depressed. And it's the 'what's wrong with me' demons.
I shouldn't start thinking at midnight. Because I get maudlin.
I hate this feeling. But I don't know how to get out of this rut either.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-09 05:53 am (UTC)And mountains? When online stuff starts feeling too much like an obligation and not 'fun time', it is acceptable to take a break, advisable in fact. Even people who "run" things are allowed that luxury. Everybody would understand.
I hope you feel better in every way tomorrow!